The other reason I lived is that I was going so fast; we crashed at combined speeds of more than one-hindered-miles-per-hour. The lorry mounted my car's engine and was careering towards me, about to decapitate me, when in a one-in-a-million chance, its cutting blade inverted and turned my steering wheel and I lived to tell the tale. But not before I was ventilated at a Newry hospital and a team of five surgeons, for five hours, put me back together again at a Belfast hospital and called me their Humpty Dumpty Man.

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The story follows my waking from an eight-day induced coma and a dyspraxia impaired series of revelations about the extent of my injuries so bad that a visitor fainted. I nearly suffered the same fate when I was inadvertently introduced to the new me.